Breaking Up
Suddenly everything seems to have changed: listening to certain songs is different to before, and hearing the phone ring doesn’t mean the same.
Here you will read some brief ideas to help you turn a relationship break up into a new beginning.
Breaking up is as much part of a relationship as going together. But that doesn’t make it any less painful. It can be a major loss of something that you invested a lot of yourself in.
You may feel a sense of relief or release at being ‘single’ again, particularly if the relationship has had its problems. But you still miss that person.
Right when it’s just happened, the hurt, anger and loneliness can make breaking up feel like the worst. But once you start getting over it, breaking up can turn out to be the best thing too.
Working it through
- Get back with old friends - Go back to doing the things you used to enjoy before. Give old friends a ring. Do something with them or invite them over.
- Don’t dwell on ‘things’ - Those special songs, photos, gifts, the person’s family, letters or cards... do your best to let go of these things. Later on, you will be able to handle them with fond memories, but while you’re getting over the break up, these things will only make the ‘getting better’ harder and longer.
- Talk to someone - There may be someone in your support network: parents, older brother/sister, relative, teacher, pastor, etc, who can help you sort out the things you’re confused or angry about. Often a friend of the opposite sex can help you better understand how the person you broke up with may be feeling.
- Write it down, or say it to yourself - This gives you the chance to say the things you couldn’t or didn’t say at the time of the break up and might help you in the ‘getting over’ process.
- See the positives - Caring for someone special helps you to find out good things about yourself. You are a better person for having put someone else’s interest above yours. This is a quality you haven’t lost but will be able to bring into other relationships you’ll have in the future.
- Moving Forward - When it first happens, breaking up can feel like you’re stuck in one place that is totally miserable and uncomfortable. But you are actually on the move through a natural grieving process. It takes time, but know that you will eventually feel better again and you will also have grown as a person.
In the meantime be patient and kind to yourself. And remember, EVERY ENDING IS A BEGINNING.
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